In a relationship things can sometimes get out of control. Some areas were partners shouldn’t have invaded but did. They crossed some boundaries they shouldn’t have, but did. When boundaries aren’t clearly defined at the beginning, this can happen. Setting healthy boundaries is important in relationships. Raising your hand means you are in agreement that setting healthy boundaries is essential to a lasting relationship.
One simple word can mean a great deal in a marriage. This is the space that you create for yourself in order to meet your needs and wants. Most people don’t do this.
We may have thought at some point that boundaries no longer matter. We should just forget it, because we are in a committed relationship. There shouldn’t even be any walls or boundaries between us and the person we love. We shouldn’t make any distinctions.
To make your relationship lasting, or even last a lifetime, you need to set boundaries. It’s as important as breathing. Continue reading to find out why.
Healthy boundaries may differ from person to person, but they are those you set up for your mental and physical health. This is the time that you set aside to take care of yourself and be yourself.
A disregard for health can be a sign of unhealthy boundaries. This is simply a case of a lack in boundaries. It may be that you wanted to please your partner. You would spend most of your free time trying to meet his needs and wants.
You neglect your own needs. This causes you to forget your worth and self-worth.
Let’s look at these examples to see the difference between healthy and unhealthy limits in a relation.
- Healthy – Know what you desire and communicate it to your partner
- Unhealthy Feeling responsible for other people’s happiness
- Healthy : saying no to others and accepting their refusal
- Unhealthy : Saying yes to everything and putting yourself last.
- Healthy : Respecting and not compromising your boundaries for the sake of your partner.
- Unhealthy : Respecting others’ values and beliefs
- Healthy : Communication in an honest and open manner
- Unhealthy : Phoning your partner and lying to them with words or actions.
- Healthy : Be yourself
- Feeling unsatisfied without your partner
- Healthy : Accepting Change in a Relationship
- Unhealthy : Inability to accept change and move forward.
- Healthy : Paying attention to what your partner is saying.
- Unhealthy : Interrupting others and always making yourself the center of attention
- Healthy – How to take comments with maturity
- Unhealthy : Take comments personally
- Healthy:Respecting and Trusting Your Partner’s Personal Space
- Unhealthy : Being too jealous and clingy
How do boundaries that are healthy look?
This question has probably bothered most of us. Although we all know what healthy boundaries look like, it’s important to understand how they work in reality.
The boundaries of healthy areas can vary according to the location, such as the following:
Physical Boundaries
The boundaries include having your own space, taking a break, and refusing to be touched by someone in a manner that is uncomfortable.
Physical boundaries that are healthy may be
- Please ask for permission before you enter my bedroom.
- I feel very uncomfortable when someone touches me in public.
- I need some rest. Please don’t disturb me.
Emotional boundaries
A healthy emotional boundary is all about respecting and valuing emotions. Being aware of your limits and tolerance is key.
Examples of boundaries that are healthy for emotional well-being include
- Sorry, I’m not feeling like talking right now. Can we do this later, when you’re rested and fresh?
- Listening to me is all that I need when I share my worries and problems with you. When you say my situation is “normal” and compare it to other people’s, I feel shut down. You can also make me feel bad if you criticize my situation as though it was all mine.
Time boundaries
Time is important. We have all heard this. Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship is about being aware of your priorities and making sure you have time to do them. You won’t miss anything.
In a long-term relationship, healthy boundaries could include time.
- My friends and I are meeting up this weekend. Two days will be spent away.
- When I am working, it is best to not disturb me unless there’s a real emergency.
Sexual boundaries
Both parties have to agree or consent for any activity that involves intimate physical contact. Be the bigger person and understand if your partner refuses to acknowledge it. It’s not fair to force someone into doing something they’re uncomfortable about.
A healthy sexual boundary may include
- Sorry, I can’t do it now. Sorry, but can we cuddle instead please?
- It’s something I would like to do. Are you okay with that?
- We both have careers that are very busy and we don’t seem to be able to find time for kids. We should use contraception, so I think.
Setting healthy boundaries is important for personal health
Self-care is based on personal boundaries. This sets boundaries in relationships in a healthy manner, allowing you to feel less physically and emotionally drained.
By defining healthy boundaries within your relationship, you can also practice self-respect and prioritise yourself. Saying “no”, to the things that you do not want to, helps you to take care of your own wellbeing.
It is easier to express your feelings and needs when you have personal boundaries. You will feel empowered and learn to take personal responsibility and make good choices.
Our relationship will suffer if we don’t have clear boundaries. You may feel that you are being ignored and taken for granted. You must set your boundaries and respect your partner’s as soon as possible.
What are healthy boundaries for a relationship?
1. Be clear and precise about your boundaries
It might feel strange and uncomfortable if this is your first experience. This is important to prevent you from becoming overwhelmed. Ask yourself what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship.
What are your boundaries in terms of time? What are your time limits? What are your sexual and emotional limits?
What attitude can you tolerate? Are you able to tolerate a person who is pompous, arrogant and self-centered? Are you able to tolerate someone who is too clingy?
It is important to consider and specify all things. It is important to be clear at the start. You will avoid regrets or resentments in the future.
2. Set boundaries and set consequences when they are crossed
Boundaries are just one of the consequences that come with actions. Set healthy boundaries within your relationship. Your partner must also set healthy boundaries.
The consequences might be described as follows:
- You should probably consider ending this relationship if you can’t stop being jealous and controlling me.
- You can leave if you don’t want to respect my personal space. Come back if you are willing to meet me halfway.
It is important to understand that consequences aren’t punishments. These are merely expressions of your self-worth, which you will only tolerate to a certain extent. These are warnings to your partner that he or she should not continue mistreating you.
3. Share your boundaries with your partner
Now that you have decided on your personal boundaries, and their consequences, it’s time to tell your partner. Your partner should be open-minded and respect your boundaries.
Make sure you are honest, and that your parameters have been clearly defined. Also, be flexible.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand what these boundaries will mean for him. Adjust to his inputs if there are any.
4. Consistency is key when setting boundaries
Consistency is a powerful way to show that you mean business when it comes to your boundaries. You must follow through on what you’ve decided. Once you have crossed a personal boundary, make sure to follow through with the consequences.
Do not turn a deaf ear and do not allow anyone to violate your boundaries. This will lead to future misbehaviors and disrespect.
Over to You
Set boundaries for a healthy partnership does not occur overnight. You have to be open and patient. It takes time and effort.
It takes two people to work together for a relationship to be successful. Healthy boundaries are necessary for it to thrive.
The boundaries aren’t there to make walls, but to foster a healthy relationship that everyone can enjoy. The boundaries must then be observed with the utmost respect.